So this is Christmas…and what have you done?!
Christmas, the time of the year where we all gather with friends and relatives we don’t really know or talk to the rest of the year and pretend we are the best people in the world. The time of the year where we all use the phrase “This year has gone so fast”…The time of year that brings peace and goodwill to all.. Supposedly.
It’s fair to say, i’m not feeling entirely festive this year, don’t get me wrong I will have a great day and it will be as good as any other. However my lack of festiveness could be down to a number of reasons whether it’s still me looming over my Dad’s death or the fairly recent relationship breakup where I spent a lot of my money on now useless presents, the fact I don’t have a job = no money, no money = hard to buy presents, if I can’t buy presents then what’s the point?.
To relax and catch up with my family? In theory brilliant, but when my family has never really entered the festive spirit it gets even harder to do so when the youngest person in the house is 19, a brother who got married and has had kids in a country thousands of miles away without even telling the family and not coming back for Christmas, and hasn’t seen any of us in years and barely talks to us. I don’t know it doesn’t have that whole feel for me any more. This year is probably the least festive I have felt and I think it’s mainly due to the fact I have no money to spend on my family, I like giving, last year I gave awesome presents such as iPods this year it’s DVD’s, books and chocolates, a cheap cop out.
Christmas to me is about being able to give something back to people, but after spending a year in a job doing that every day of my life, then spending the last half in a relationship I thought was going to be perfect and putting a lot into it for it just to not be right apparently? It just makes me feel like not even bothering with anything or anyone any more. This is not a bitter note because I got dumped, honestly I’m pretty much over that relationship, i’m used to being rejected in such circumstances…but it has added to my festive misery.
So this is all a bit bleak and if you are still reading then I guess you are really a friend, or just a nosey bugger. Either way I feel I should lighten the mood somehow. I am excited about tomorrow, just wish I could be giving more, I just wish there wasn’t the awkwardness that there is in my family due to never ever speaking to each other growing up or indeed now a days.
Still, I will indulge in the traditions of waking up early opening up the many DVD’s I would imagine, watch some pathetic Christmas TV, Doctor Who and maybe some Eastenders. I will return and talk to you either on boxing day or sometime before the new year…and explain how and why 2012 WILL be my year…and mine alone!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Goodnight.
