And just to think…
So i’m lying here on my bed, quite tired, just having a little wee think. So I thought I would come on here and share these thoughts.
The last year has been hell for me, from one bad thing to the next happening in my life, from my father passing, a few injuries, set backs, losing jobs, losing friends and lord knows what else. It’s been tough. Just as I was getting some form of confidence back it was knocked out of me again in mid-june time. This, to be honest, sent me into a downward spiral for about two months. In this time, I did things I would never do any other day of the week, and it was bad, real bad.
During this time I came to realise that whilst pursing the fake, so called friends that I thought I had around the country. I was losing touch with those closest to me, and who knew me best, my friends here at home. So for the last 2-3 months I’ve been trying my best to re-integrate into these circles. I’m pretty happy so far with that, despite a few up’s and downs at this present time with some people.
However, despite trying to be the best friend that I could be to these people, I still had all my trust in other people to try and regain and it’s still not there, although it is coming back fast. Because when you tell someone who you think cares, the only secret in your life about you, and they turn around and completely abandon you despite you trying your best to be friends, it hurts, and it knocks you for a long time.
Which is why I never tell anyone anything, i’m scared too.
I’m starting to realise now, that I have people in my life I can tell things too, and that people may actually care about me again. I find it hard to believe, but I know it’s true. I spend all my time trying to be the best for other people, all I care about is other people and making people happy. So as long as other people are happy, i’m happy. Cheesy I know.
My friends beg me to talk about stuff that is wrong, and I sometimes may come across as ungrateful for not sharing, but i’m not. I do want to tell you things, and I will. I’m getting there, slowly, by god I need all my friends so much.
And before this gets even longer and more boring and heart felt. I would just like to say to all of my friends, if I make a regular effort to talk to you then you know who you are!, I just want to say… I appreciate your friendship, thanks for sticking with me through my “Depressive facebook statuses”, your actually all awesome. none of you ever leave me!..I Love you.
God Bless You All.
